What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 07:07
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He knew the spot.
Do happily married husbands cheat?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But it wasn’t much.
Have you ever heard of the god Priapus being the same as the god Phosphorus?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Why would my ex block me after I blocked him?
Especially a lifetime of it.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was very sick at this time too.
Is it okay if I sleep with my brother without my husband knowing?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
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Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
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19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And i lived it daily.
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I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Why do people think Mirko is boring in My Hero Academia?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I never cut or harmed myself..
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He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She loved him until the end.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I was 9 years of age.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I have no regrets .
Who then, do I blame.?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We all went to grammer schools
Im still living with it.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
What did i know ?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
One cannot live in the past .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
So, i spoilt her more .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My family never makes their pension either.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I think the readers, may guess!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
(And it was in our own minds.)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
All the time i was locked up.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She wouldn,t have been !
Put me off passion for life!!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I don,t even have a pension.
I will be 64.
I was scared of men, in general
I was seconnd youngest,
She was in good health!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
It was going to be , some day.
I waited trembling.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why did i forgive my father ?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Ive learnt so much.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
This is soul school!.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As i do to all so called friends.?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Comes on , in middle age.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She married twice! .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
We were not on the streets..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I said to her
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I write beautiful poetry .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
When she asked me how she looked .
Would this be the day?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
So whats the point in blame.
But, we were locked up after school.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I could never make a relationship work though!
She found it foreign!.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My life is so biszare .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?